im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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