you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize