I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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