There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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