he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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