I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
