Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
