you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
