I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
