Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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