i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he shaved USA in his pubs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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