how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize