Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
