someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
