I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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