They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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