I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
