How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
