You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
