Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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