If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
