WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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