I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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