Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
