It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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