it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
