i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize