Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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