yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
