What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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