I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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