I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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