A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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