Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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