why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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