A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
