Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
