It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to make out with him forever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
