Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
