last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
