We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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