I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
