i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize