apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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