Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
