All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
