D3 body, D1 cock
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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