Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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