Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
