You're my little dorito
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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