I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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