Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
