I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
