guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
