so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
