In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
