Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
