My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
