Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
