Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
