Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
