How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My ass is underappreciated
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
