Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
