im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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