Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
