3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your tits are I can't wait for
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
