I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
this is an emotional support booty call
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
