she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
